Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
