i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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