Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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