I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
