Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
