I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
