there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize