whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
