I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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