Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize