Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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