Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
