Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He passed out mid-signature
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
BRING THE BAGELS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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