Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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