fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
