My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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