I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
