last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
