I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
