I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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