i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
