Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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