We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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