elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
