sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
