I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
