I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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