Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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