Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
