accomplished twins. life is a go
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
