There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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