you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize