the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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