It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
