he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He passed out mid-signature
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
