im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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