Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
