On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
