Im at strip club and am horny
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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