now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
