The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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