I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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