I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
