Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
