And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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