His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
