If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
now i know why i became what i already was.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize