you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
