Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
