And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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