You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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