You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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