is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
