8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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