Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
