After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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