I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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