i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Everything about him screamed your future.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
