So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
