checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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