Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
