don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
